The First Time They Said i Love You
by FreckledAdvocate
Summary: So this is my very first Twilight fanfic.Pre-series,right after Jasper and Alice come to stay w/ the Cullens.Jasper doesn't get what a girl like Alice could see in a guy like him, so he tries to tell her that she deserves someone better.Cute A/J fluff. :


Jasper paced around his room, lost in thought. His eyebrows were knitted together and even with his super-sensitive sight he saw nothing that he walked past. He actually walked into the side of a table! That sort of clumsiness never happened to vampires! Although he did catch the cup that had fallen; catching the already mid-air water before it reached the carpet - but still!

He placed the cup back on the table with shaky hands and sat on the bed, eyes wide with anxiety. He ran his fingers through his hair and wondered when he'd last been this nervous… Not for a long, long time. But nothing this important had ever been in jeopardy before. He'd fought for his life several times, but that was barely something worth fighting for, never mind something worth worrying over. But this was _her_.

_Calm down. Calm down. It's not like anyone's life is in danger here. You're just nervous about… rejection. _He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe through his nose. He got up and walked over to the mirror. He put his hands on the dresser and leaned forward examining his pale, scarred, tortured-looking face. He cringed.

_I have to do this. For her sake. I have to. She deserves better than me… What if she wants to stay?… What if she doesn't? Can you walk through that door and not come back?… _His face fell and he closed his eyes again. He had to do this. No matter what might happen.

He heard her car coming off the highway. He knew it was hers. Happy carefree radio music was playing and he heard her singing along.

He pulled his face together and prepared himself. _At least no one else is here. If she says so I can just leave. No goodbyes. We haven't been here that long, no one would ever know… or care… But where will I go? I could go back to wandering. Be on my own for awhile… I could even, I suppose,… I wouldn't have to follow the Cullen's vegetarian rules…. _His eyes snapped open and he shook his head. _No. No. You couldn't do that again. Being a vegetarian, it feels… right. Besides, what would she think if you… but she wouldn't be there… Even so… I would think of her. I couldn't. I would live on my own… but still not eat… _

He heard the click of the door opening as she came into the house. Immediately he felt her happiness. Her contentment. It was almost bubbly. _Alice_. He started to smile before realizing that it was just her emotions leaking off her and into him. He forced the smile off his face and prepared himself for what he had to do.

He heard her put her shopping bags down on a table in the Cullen's hall. He still found it odd to be living here. To be welcomed in so warmly by such nice people. He wasn't use to nice or warm. He was used to pain, and contentment only after you've struggled enough to earn a little. It was almost too comfortable here. _Disconcerting_. But then again they'd only been here for a few weeks. He could get used to it…

"Jasper?" she called happily up the stairs, already walking up them toward their room. He counted her steps and wondered if he would be able to make his voice work. He took a deep breath again as the handle turned and the door opened.

"Hey." she said with a big smile. He felt the corners of his mouth start to go up, but then he kept them down forcibly. Her happiness was almost addicting when she was with him. "Hi." he said a little late. While she turned to shut the door.

By the tone of his voice she turned back to him. She hesitated, looking at him warily, her eyebrows came down and her grin got the tiniest bit smaller when she saw his face; his expression. "Um… Everything all right?" she asked warily, tilting her head to the side adorably.

He looked at his feet. "Jasper? What's wrong?" He felt the fear then, suspicion, and worry all rolling off of her to match his own emotions. She stepped closer to him until she was right there next to him, a hand on his arm.

Finally he brought his eyes up to meet hers. "Me." he said somberly. She only looked at him, confusion adding to the vat of emotions filling the room. "I'm wrong."

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, concerned.

He uncrossed his arms suddenly, which had been crossed on his chest. She jumped the tiniest bit pulling her hand away. "I mean, you could do so much better than me! You _deserve_ someone better than me!" She started to protest as comprehension dawned on her face, but he cut her off.

"Alice, you are the perfect person! The perfect girl! What could you possibly see in me?!" He started turning away from her as he continued, glaring at the floor again and trying to ignore her emotions. He had to be selfless, because the selfish thing to do here would be to take her in his arms and never let go. But this was the truth - and she needed to hear it. No matter what he wanted. So he went on:

"Alice. You're always so happy, all the time. And you always look out for other people. You have this way of making everyone laugh and you're charming! And beautiful. Irresistibly beautiful, even for a vampire! And you always make other people come alive. You should see their emotions, everyone's, when you enter a room - it's like turning on a light, you bring out the best in everyone! I love that about you… I …" his voice would have broken if that were physically possible anymore. He paused and took a breath. She didn't interrupt.

"But that's why I have to leave. Can't you see that I'm not good for you? You're always so happy, and I'm just uncomfortable. You're able to make everybody laugh and I barely chuckle. I smile more when you're around though… but that little bit is a lot for me. I don't like parties or get enthusiastic like you do, and… I'm not attractive. Especially for a vampire. I'm scarred, my face, my body, all of me. It's like this constant reminder that I've had a bad past, and you're light only makes me more aware of my scars, much more than when I was in the dark. And My personality is just as bad. You deserve someone better… You deserve someone brighter. Instead of just me."

He sat down on the bed, still not looking at her, because he knew once he saw those eyes he wouldn't be able to look away. She sat down next to him but still didn't talk. _One more breath than just say it. _… "Alice." Pause. "I think… I love you. Which is why I have to leave. You deserve someone else."

There was a few moments as Alice waited for him to be done. He refused to acknowledge any of the emotions around him, trying to protect himself from the hurt. He kept his emotions purely in check, he didn't want to feel her pity, her rejection, or… her agreement with his words. But what he didn't know was that if he actually opened up to the emotions there; none of those would be there.

After the silence stretched for more than a few seconds, Alice realized he had nothing else to say. So she reached for his face. His chin automatically followed the gentle fingers caressing him as she brought his face up to look into his eyes. A connection was made and her emotions flooded him on all sides. But he was confused, they didn't make sense, there was sadness, and happiness, and … something else. But no rejection. No agreement. A little bit of exasperation, which was then mirrored in her voice, but well-meant exasperation.

"Jasper. I don't want anyone else. I want you." And he knew he was in love. His soul was soaring. But wait… he couldn't let her do this. But his heart wasn't really in it anymore he knew what he wanted, but he didn't want to bring her down. So he forced the words out, "You deserve someone as great and good as you."

"No Jasper," she said, smiling softly at him in a way that made his stomach do back flips, "I deserve you. I want to be as great and good as you."

He wanted to believe her, he really did, but she saw it on his face that he needed more to be persuaded. " Have you ever seen me, when I'm not with you?" She asked him, letting her hand fall from his face down to his knee.

"No." he said, confused by the question.

"So do you know my personality when I'm not with you?"

"No." He said again.

"You only say I'm happy, because that is how _you_ see me. I'm happiest with you. When I first woke up a vampire, I had no idea who I was. I was lost and alone. And then I saw you in my vision. Then I had a purpose. I had you."

His face fell, and what little hope he had slipped away like water through a sieve. "But you didn't _choose_ me. You just saw me. Now that you know who I am… how can you let me stay with you. I wasn't your choice. You never would have picked me if it wasn't for that vision."

She thought this over for a minute, biting her lip. "You're right." she started finally, "I didn't choose you to begin with. Fate chose you for me… But I choose you now. Jasper, you are a really great guy. You are sensitive and caring. You are a kind of considerate quiet young man. So unsure, that it makes you humble… and coincidentally adorable. And I don't know where you got the impression that you're not good-looking, because I can assure you - you are… Scars and all… You didn't have a good past, but that means your future can only be better. And I know the only reason that I've been as happy as I have been lately, is because of you. Because you gave me something to live for. Someone to love." His hope had been building throughout this whole speech. And he had to look at her at this line and she beamed at him and he couldn't help but smile now - he was addicted to her happiness.

With his eyes finally locked on hers she knew he understood, and the truth of her emotions flooded his senses once again. The unknown emotion - that was love!

"Jasper, you can go anywhere you want, even if that means walking out that front door right now. But just know I'll always be beside you wherever you go." His smile widened, and their eyes sparkled.

"I will never leave you." he breathed, wondering how it was possible for one person to be so beautiful.

"That's all I ask." she said and put her hand on his cheek again pulling him towards her. Their lips met and their eyes closed and Jasper felt happier than he'd ever been. The emotion of love filled the room around him, and he couldn't tell if it was his or hers.

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So this was my first ever Twilight fanfic. I dunno, for some reason I just absolutely love Alice/Jasper's relationship. I find them adorable. I hope you lked it, and please review so I should know wether or not to try another fic. :) Thanks for reading.


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